Waiting

Blog entry April 23, 2019

I have been on a “wait” list. Every time I either go through an illness or a surgery, somehow, I get “BE still and know that I am God” sent to me. Since October 2018, I have been “waiting” to see what I have. I went to my new GP complaining that the right side of my throat was swollen and hurt. I told him that I didn’t have the mumps. He ordered a blood test to rule that out. he also sent me for an ultrasound on my neck. The ultrasound resulted in a CT scan which showed that I had a nodule or cyst on the right side of my throat. The ultrasound had said I had them bilaterally, however after a second CT scan, I only have it on the right side. In December 2018, I went for a biopsy. In January of 2019, I received the results. The specialist had said it was benign but inconclusive- meaning the doctor didn’t get enough cells to determine whether it was benign. I have had a blood test and a second CT scan. The nodule has grown since the last one. I go for another biopsy (which I asked for in the first place as I don’t want surgery if it is benign). I currently do not have a date for the second biopsy, so I wait and continue to trust that God has this. I must say that I have had a peace about this whole thing throughout the waiting. So, I will be still and wait. There are times I wish I could get it over with and then I think of all the things I still need to do. It reminds me to get things in order. We do not know when it is “our” time to leave this earth. I am also reminded to be ready for the time God needs to take me away from this earth. I want everyone to know of God and to invite Him in and have a relationship with Him.Music and songs sooth me. These are two that came to mind;

So I wait for you,

So I wait for you,

I’m falling on my knees,

Offering all of me,                                                       

Jesus, you’re all I’ve waited for.

Another song or chorus written by my friend, Karyn Sunderland;

Jesus, let me sit at your feet

Jesus, let me sit at your feet

Let me wash Your Holy precious feet with my broken anguish tears;

Let me come to You with all my pain and simply offer You my life again.

Jesus, let me sit at Your feet.

Lots of thoughts today! I had said in my last post that I do falter in my faith and have doubts. Summer is a difficult time for me as I am a ten month employee. Although I had put money aside for this summer, it is all gone and I am having a difficult time trying to pay for everything that comes our way. Definitely a lot of prayer on this. But it makes me anxious too. I worry about certain things and certain bills. I have friends and/or pastors who remind me of what God says in scripture; "Do not be anxious about Anything (I underlined this as I need to remember this), but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. Philippians 4:6, Matthew 6:25 says; "Do not worry about your life, what you will wear or drink; or about your body, what you will wear, is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Whenever I read this verse, I wonder about the author. Although we are not to worry, we do whether we are on our own or whether we are married, have a family or not. I do worry when I know I do not have enough to perhaps buy a few groceries or pay a bill. I regret spending money on things I do not really need and all the "schemes" I have gotten into. I do pray that this anxiety will be eased and I will have the assurance that things will be fine. In my heart, I know they will.
Ruth Bell Graham says this; Lord, when my soul is weary and my heart is tired and sore, and I have that failing feeling that I can't take it any more; then let me know the freshening found in simple, childlike prayer, when the kneeling soul knows surely that a listening Lord is there.
This is also my prayer today.
Blessings,
Sharon Rose

Promises

I haven't blogged for quite some time and random thoughts have come into my head. I was reading several articles about hope and had thoughts on death. No, I am not contemplating death. I have attended several funerals of late, one of which was a friend and fellow colleague who passed away from cancer. Another memorial I attended of a pastor, friend, father, grandfather, brother, husband who struggled with cancer for 10 years! He was an amazing man of grace and humility! He was a great influence on many.
There are many crusades for cancer. None have found a cure yet for certain cancers. The one my friend passed away from was concerning as we can all get this type of cancer. It is sad as she was coming back from the island to live here in Coquitlam and was going to come back to being an EA in the district where I work. She left behind a 3 year old and a 12 year old. She also just had married a couple of years earlier.
We may not know when our time is up and when we leave this earth but one thing I do know is that my hope is in Jesus. I believe that He gave me eternal life through belief in Him. I strive to live for Him every day. I do at times falter in my faith and I do have doubts at times, but He gives me hope for a future. Jeremiah 29:11 says; "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future". A thought just came into my head, I had a friend who was murdered. She was a believer. I  wonder if God planned for her to die in a horrific way? Isaiah 12:2 says; "Surely God is my salvation; I will trust and not be afraid. The Lord, the Lord, is my strength and my song; he has become my salvation. I do believe she was not afraid to die. But sad, just the same.
We all experience trials of this life in different ways and cope with tragedy in different ways. I am coping by writing this post. Both my friends have gone to be with Jesus, this was their belief also that they would enter God's kingdom in heaven because they believed. They are out of pain. The one thing though is that they leave their family and friends behind. So, how do we grieve and cope when they are gone. I don't have all the answers, however, I put my trust in God to help me cope through each day. Prayer definitely helps and I believe God answers those prayers, perhaps not the way we would want them answered.
If you have lost a loved one and still grieve, put your hope in Jesus. He is there to comfort and restore you and give you grace.
Blessings,
Sharon Rose

Pain

     Ha, I thought I  had found my previous blogs. Now I can't find them. I had written about pain before, mostly about physical pain. Again, I am writing about pain.
In the recent month, I  had wrist surgery to repair two tears in my wrist from an almost car accident. Unfortunately, I came down with Bell's palsy two days before the surgery. I  can say that for the most part, the pain management has been okay until last night. The pain reverted to the left side of the wrist and became and stays intense. I stopped taking the pain medication the surgeon prescribed as it made my heart race. I  have an intolerance to anti-inflammatories so it is difficult to find something that will help. I  also cannot take Ibuprofen, Advil, or Moltren or ASA. So, here I sit writing about the pain. I  am not looking for sympathy (maybe I am).
     I  am sure that you have experienced pain of some sort. We all do. How do we cope? Do we turn to drugs?, alcohol?, Do we do harm to ourselves? Do we pray? Do we reach out to someone, a friend, a doctor, a life-partner? Do we get all uptight when things do not go our way? We rehearse all the things we want to say or do in order to cope.
     I  try to cope by praying, "complaining", and resting. However, this has not worked thus far. Perhaps I am too impatient. I  can definitely say yes to this! I  am not sure what will relieve my pain but it is no use complaining about it as others have their own issues. I  definitely pray.
     I  have been reading two books, one about grace. It is amazing to me that God shows His infinite grace on all of us. He gives us many chances. Romans 3:9-27. Many do not regard God as a God of grace. Many despise Him. Many blame Him. These verses in Romans tell us that no one is good enough for God. Oh, sure we try to do good and pile up the brownie points in hopes that God would accept us. God, in His righteousness, is available to us. It is through His grace and mercy that He provides a change in us if we believe. We need to be thankful because of this free gift. We should be thankful for each new day.
     Even though I am in pain, I can rejoice because He has sustained me through the pain. He is my coping strategy and in Him, I can find strength.
     Blessings,
    Sharon Rose

I found my previous blogs! Yay! I haven't posted any blogs for three years! Wow! So much has happened since the last time I posted. The last post, I had written that my mother-in-law had fallen before we came to visit. Since the death of my brother-in-law, she has fallen often. My poor husband has stressed over her falling and encouraged her to look into going into a senior's residence. This past year, she has stubbornly given in. She is now in a residence. She hasn't fallen since she has been there. Praise the Lord! The days leading up to her going into a senior's residence were to say the least, very stressful! She thought everyone was out to get her and she had threatened to jump off the balcony of the apartment she was in. She is all of 5 feet tall. The balcony is 7 floors up from the ground. She has trouble walking, so I don't think she could have carried out her threat! It was worrisome though. It stressed my husband out.

On another stressful circumstance for which I cannot do anything is my brother. He has hepatic/renal failure and requires a liver/kidney transplant. He is waiting to get on the transplant list. Please pray for him.

My parents celebrated their 60th wedding anniversary in August of this year, 2016. They have decided to take a cruise to the Panama canal. Exciting!

My husband has retired which I find stressful at times as I don't think we prepared ourselves financially. We still pay a mortgage, so it means I have to work for a long while. Thinking about my husband retiring was stressful also as he almost died. December 26th, 2014 he got really sick. He ended up in the hospital in January and was there for four days. He had just brought me back from an appointment in Vancouver but still didn't feel very well. I dropped him off at RCH. He had no magnesium or potassium in his system. The ER doctor had said that if I had waited one more day, he could have been dead. It has basically taken a year for my husband to get well. On a funny note; when I went to visit him one day, he wasn't in his bed. I asked the nurse where he was and she had said that he was visiting with his wife. I told her I was his wife. The nurse directed me to where he was. He had been visiting with one of my good friends. We tease her and tell her she is my husband's second wife! Lol

I have come to realize that life is precious and that we have to embrace each day with grace and live life and enjoy every moment. Tomorrow may never come.

Rejoice in the Lord always, I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The lOrd is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Phillipians 4:4-7.